Living in Lunacy

Spring semester is over. All A's. Social life exploding (at least by my standards) thanks to Facebook. No longer starving myself. Tried some new things. Wrote a lot. Spending my summer in classes. Taking creative writing classes in the fall. Got screwed out of the Honor's Program, even though I definitely have the grades for it. This place is beginning to grow on me, even though I'll have to move in a year. Coming to some interesting realizations about myself. It's that time of year for me to shed my skin again and grow something new.

There. That was my year thus far. You're all caught up.

I had someone I don't even know subscribe to my writing journal last night, which struck me as very strange because most of my entries are locked up and I don't often post my prompt responses to the prompt communities, with the exception of the fanfic drabble communities. I feel like it would be rude to ignore them, on the one hand, but on the other hand I don't know that I'm ready just yet to accept friends and make my journal accessible to others.

Since I stopped working on In Living Color a few years ago, every writing project I've started, with the exception of fanfic projects, has been motivated with the idea of producing something I can publish. Something that will "jump-start" my career. For a number of reasons I think I've been so fixated on my "future as a writer" that at some point I stopped having fun and eventually fell out of love with the process. Especially lately I've been pushing myself so hard not just to write, but to write something meaningful. I'd like to change the world with my writing someday, as cliche and idealistic as it sounds.

After the third (fourth? fifth?) failure of the project I've been working at off and on since I was seventeen, I started feeling pretty lost. I still do, in fact. I'm not really sure what I'm doing, and I've lost a measure of faith in myself and my future. I don't feel cut out to be a writer but I have no clue what else I'd really do.

Despite all of that, the urge to write popped up again, so I chose the most innocuous project I could. While I feel rusty and occasionally get frustrated, I'm enjoying re-writing this fanfic. And, in working on it, I've come to a decision.

When I finish this fic, and possibly another that I started months ago, I might just give my big original project another shot. With one major difference. This time I won't do it for my "career." I won't do it for validation from some kind of audience. For once, I'm just going to do it for myself. I'm going to wipe the slate clean, rebuild it, re-write it, and produce something that I can read and enjoy, even years later when I need something to smile about.

After all these failures I honestly thought the project was dead, but my thoughts keep returning to it. I think it's because I love the characters so much. So I'm going to try and use them to rediscover my love of writing and the fun I used to have with it.

(I really hope it works, too, 'cause wtf else am I'm going to do with my life? Teach grammar to bratty, semi-literate teens?)

So I hear that the first episode of Twilight: The TV Show The Vampire Diaries was a horrible trainwreck. Because I love things of that nature, I feel compelled to seek it out and see just how bad it is.

I realize the show is based on a book series that predates Twilight by quite a bit, and I've never read these books. They might be great books. Yet, I can't help but feel like Vampire Diaries is the worst title for something involving vampires since Bunnicula. I'm fairly certain it's the word "diary" which I tend to associate with the vapid, melodramatic scribblings of your average teenage girl, possibly because the last time I owned a diary I was a teenage girl and I filled it with vapid, melodramatic scribblings. When placed with the word "vampire," which generally describes a blood-sucking fiend, it just renders the whole phrase innocuous.

I suppose that might be a touch of the vampire purist in me. I mean, I don't demand every writer conform to the Stoker school of vampire mythology, but I do demand that they be scary on some level. And I don't mean faux scary like Edward "I push my mortal girlfriend around to feel powerful" Cullen.

Is some good old fashioned blood shed too much to ask? Then again, maybe these books do have some good old fashioned blood shed?

[/rant]

This will be updated periodically.

( Original Fiction and Fanfiction )

Thanks to shiegra's generosity, I get to try out Dreamwidth! I think I will, for the time being, use this as my writing journal and use my livejournal for the few personal posts that I make. If I enjoy Dreamwidth enough, I may just migrate completely. In the meantime, I might try cross-posting.